Week 5: Her Final Days

She gave so much love, she was worn out. <3

She gave so much love, she was worn out. ❤

As I write this last blog, I am in so much pain and heartache. I’ve spent all day crying.

Yesterday, Baby suddenly got very very sick. She was moving at a snail’s pace, throwing up, panting heavily, and drooling profusely. We took her to the doctor and they took an x-ray. Cartilage had disintegrated between two of her vertebrae in her lower back and were rubbing together against her spinal nerve. She was in excruciating pain. Her doctor gave us some pain medication and some new arthritis medication to help improve her condition. The doctor told us for her to take it easy and see how she feels.

I was hopeful for a very long time. But unfortunately, Baby had fought for too long.

Last night, Baby refused to eat, drink or take her medication. She was drooling and throwing up water every ten to fifteen minutes. She just lie there unmovable. She couldn’t get up. This morning, hoping that she would have improved and ready to take her medication, Baby had showed no signs of change. My mom, my stepdad and I saw the pain and the emptiness in her eyes. She was already gone. We made the decision to put her to sleep.

I sat in the backseat with her the car ride there as she panted and drooled and struggled to get comfortable. I rubbed her velvety ears for the last time. I told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was I couldn’t stop the pain. I gave her several kisses. She was unable to give me any kisses on the nose in return. We carried her in the vet’s office on her bed because without that as a cushion, she would’ve been yelping and we didn’t want her in any more pain than she had to be in. My mom and I cried as the doctor prepared her. The doctor assured us she was in too much pain for this to continue and that we were doing the right thing.

My mom, my stepdad and I stroked her head, rubbed her back until she peacefully went from our arms into my grandparents’ arms in Heaven. Her pain has ended. Her sight has returned eternally and she’s chasing her tail in Heaven with my old dog, Di and my grandparents. My grandpa Roy loved Baby very much. He died a year ago yesterday. In one of his last visits here, he sat in our chair in the living room, Baby sat by his chair and let him just pat her on the head. My grandma on my mom’s side stayed with us every Christmas. She loved animals. And she had a soft spot for Baby. There is a picture of the two of them on our refrigerator. Every night before my grandpa Roy got really sick, he and my stepdad and my stepdad’s twin brother used to talk on the phone. Before they’d say goodbye, Roy would say, “Give Baby a pat on the head from me.” Now he can do that himself forever.

I don’t know what is on the other side. But I do know that she’s waiting for me there. She’s been my constant companion for the last eleven years. She was a stray found in Swope Park by my old neighbor, John, who is a police officer. He brought her home and gave her to my mom and me. I thank God every single day that John brought her to us. The fall after we got Baby, my other dog, Di, died of a tumor in her neck. Baby got me through that. A year later, one of our family friends who I was extremely close to, committed suicide. Baby got me through that. Two years later, my grandpa on my mom’s side lost his battle with cancer. Baby got me through that. That year I also experienced bullying and struggled socially. Baby got me through that. My grandma died at the beginning of my junior year after struggling for two years with dementia. Baby got me through that. Last summer, my grandpa Roy lost his battle with kidney failure. Baby got us all through that.

These past eleven years Baby has done nothing but protect, love and care for me. Not once did she ever let on that she was in pain until yesterday. She didn’t want us to see her like this. She was embarrassed and humiliated that she had no more strength left. She will forever be my Punkin Boo, my Boo Boo Face, my Preciousness, my Precious Angel Babycakes, my Pooh Bear, my Boo Bear Face, my Boo, my Missy, my Baby Punky. She will never leave my heart. She’s another guardian angel I have watching over me.

My grandma loved red birds. Cardinals were her favorite. Whenever I see a cardinal, I know that she is with me in that moment. Something that was an incredible comfort today was when we were loading Baby in the car to take her to the vet, and a male and female cardinal were perched on a branch in the tree across the street. It was my grandma and grandpa telling me that they were ready for her.

I’ll miss her more than words could ever say.

Hug your pets today and cherish the memories of old ones,

Callie

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6 thoughts on “Week 5: Her Final Days

  1. Oh my Callie!! This post literally has me in tears!! Makes me think about my pets. I’m glad you got eleven years out of her! I hope your doing okay. Hugs!

    • Thank you very much Natasha. It’s been a rough 36 hours. But she is still in my heart and always will be. There’s a saying that I read on Facebook a while back that says dogs die sooner because they give twice as much if not more love than humans. And I know that she loved us more than anything. Thank you for your kind words. My family and I appreciate it very very much.

  2. I am laying on my couch looking at my WordPress with my rat terrier of 7 1/2 years, Dodger. This animal has been through hell and back with me and never left my side. He and I have been homeless together– sleeping in my car! When I read your post tonight, I instantly started crying while holding onto my dodgy boy. I cannot imagine how hard that it! My heart seriously breaks for you.. I will say a prayer for you and your family!
    The way your wrote this post really had me drawn into it. Your used powerful words that really captivated me! I felt like I was in the car kissing your dog and comforting her! 😦

    • Thank you, Lexy. My family and I are getting through this the best we can. I’ve lost a dog before, but Baby was my rock. She was a great dog. Thank you for your kind words and comments. I hope I did her justice. Dogs are such precious blessings for us. They feel our troubles like nobody else.

  3. What a beautiful post to remember a great companion. We lost our first dog, Bubba, to spleen cancer three years ago. He was our first dog and I was heartbroken. We had him from a puppy to 7 years old – way too short of a time. Bubba was my baby and I was so sad. It took me about three months to get past the initial pain, but it’s still there and I’ll always miss him. I hope your family and other dog will help you through this sad time. It’s so hard to loose a pet, especially one who was there for you during all those hard times.

    • Thank you. I’m taking it one day at a time. She was my baby. When I went to college she had no idea what to do. My other dog is hurting too. But we’re getting thru it. Thanks so much for the kind words. It means a lot to us.

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